


Better Left Unsaid

by electricblueninja



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26986669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricblueninja/pseuds/electricblueninja
Summary: Dean's got things he wants to say, but he doesn't know how.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 5





	Better Left Unsaid

I've never told you, and honestly, I don't know if I ever will. I don't like my chances. I'm too chicken-shit to say it out loud. I'm not even brave enough to think it. Not in those three words. 

The three words I can say? 

I'm sorry, Cas.

Thing is, those words I can't say are dangerous. If I used them, I'd be putting you or me or both of us in even more danger than we're in already. One of us will get hurt, and it'll hurt much worse if I've gone and let the cat out of the bag than it will if I just...don't. 

I've spent too long losing the people I lo...care about. They leave me, or disappear, or get themselves hurt trying to help me, or sacrifice themselves to save me, or get killed by someone or something because they try to protect me. Or it's me: I hurt them. God, I could die a thousand times thinking of the moments I've lost control. Too many times. Friends, family, girlfriends...and then, hundreds, thousands, so many I lost count, when I was in hell. You know what I did down there. 

You once questioned why I thought I didn't deserve to be saved. 

Well, that's why. 

How did Naomi put it? 

I'm poison.

How could I live with myself, if I hurt you again, or more, or worse than I have already? 

I mean, you: you've already done all of that stuff. All of it. You walked out on me, you disappeared, you lied to me...and you saved me; you rebelled and gave up everything you knew and believed for me; you died for me; you gave up your Grace for me; you fell for me.

You did all of that, all of it, without knowing how I feel about you. If you'd done any of it _while knowing_ , it'd hurt so bad I don't know if I could survive it. 


End file.
